


Bad bed dialogue

by gianta



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 14:15:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13591821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gianta/pseuds/gianta
Summary: Two re-writes of the bed scene from Plus One, almost as weird as the original one.





	1. Rewrite of Mulder’s part

Rewrite of Mulder’s part

(Original dialogue is in the third chapter)

 

M: What do you think you're doing in my section of the room, Scully?

S: I can't sleep, Mulder.

M: So I am not allowed to sleep, either?

S: Something about this case is getting under my skin.

M: It's late. Can we talk about this in the morning?

S: Can you hold me?

M: Really? You insisted on the closed doors between us, and now you wanna get in my bed? Fine, I’ll hold you if you let me sleep.

S: What's gonna happen?

M: We are going to have sex.

S:  When we're old.

M: If you prescribe me Viagra, we can still have sex...

S: Sooner or later we're gonna retire and... Are we gonna spend time together?

M: I was planning of spending time with Skinner, but maybe you could join us sometimes.

S: It's not what I mean.

M: I'll always be around to tell you that you are smart, lovely and beautiful woman.

S: And I'll always be around to prove you wrong.

M: Huh...

S: I promise. But that's not what I mean.

M: I know. I like you and everything, but you are not really all that smart…

S: What if you meet someone? What if you meet someone younger who wants to have kids?

M: Then I'll marry her and live happily ever after.

S: Mulder, that's not gonna happen.

M: I know. You don't want to be with me, but you won't let me be with anybody else either. You always check my phone, call me at weird hours, spy on me... You scare away every woman that I meet and I know it's always going to be like that.

S: No, it's not. I'm... I'm at the end of that journey.

M: Do you wanna have more dogs?

S: Well, I would've liked to have had another one.

M: Um, but at risk of sounding insensitive, what's stopping you?

S: Um, besides the fact that the first one was eaten by an alligator and besides the fact that I don't have a dog-sitter?

M: You are a woman who googled how to do an experimental surgery on a dying boy. You can find a dog-sitter through google as well.

S: Mulder, sometimes I think the world is going to hell and we are the only two people who can save it.

M: Whatever. I won't be able to save even your dog-sitter if you don't shut up and let me sleep at last. I'm beat.

S: What if we lose our jobs?

M: Then you can go back to being a doctor and I can finally get some sleep. And now, if you won't let me sleep, then let's have sex, that always exhausts you. Hell, I didn't bring condoms! Do you have anything?

S: We'll think of something


	2. Rewrite of Scully’s part

Rewrite of Scully’s part

(Original dialogue is in the third chapter)

 

M: Speak of the devil.

S: It's not my double. It's the good version of me, Mulder. I promise.

M: What's the problem?

S: Something about your snoring is getting under my skin. I can hear you loud and clear even through the closed door. Strange!

M: Well, we've had stranger cases, Scully.

S: Can you have sex with me?

M: Yeah, I can do that.

S: What's gonna happen?

M: What's gonna happen when?

S:  When I take off my clothes.

M: What do you mean when?

S: Sooner or later we're gonna have sex... Are we gonna come together?

M: I'll come push your wheelchair... with my wheelchair

S: Oh… Ah… Push my wheelchair faster, Mulder! Talk dirty to me, will you?

M: I'll always be around Scully – offering bullet proof theories of a genius that you fail to assail with your inadequate rationality.

S: That’s not really turning me on as much as it used to…

M: Huh...

S: Can we go back to pushing wheelchairs? I really need a comfort sex right now.

M: What do you mean?

S: Tad O'Malley left me, Mulder. He found someone younger and wants to have kids with her.

M: That's what you mean. Well, you could do the same, you could meet someone and have kids.

S: Or I could ask you to be a sperm donor again.

M: It's nonsense.

S: You're probably right. William turned so weird, I should find another donor.

M: Do you wanna have more kids?

S: I wish I could ask William if he wants to have a little brother or sister.

M: Um, but at risk of sounding insensitive, what's stopping you?

S: Um, besides the fact that I gave him up and besides the fact that I don't know how to find him?

M: You're a woman of google.

S: Well, I tried googling him, but nothing showed up. Where is this world going, when even the google can't find someone secretly adopted? Is president doing anything about this?

M: The world is going to hell, Scully. The president working to bring down the FBI along with it.

S: What if we find Van De Kamps without his help?

M: Hell, then what would we do?

S: We could watch them die and hang out with William's girlfriends while he travels around.

 


	3. Original dialogue

 

The original

(This is the original dialogue. Can you believe it?)

M: Speak of the devil.

S: I can't sleep, Mulder.

M: What's the problem?

S: Something about this case is getting under my skin.

M: Well, we've had stranger cases, Scully.

S: Can you hold me?

M: Yeah, I can do that.

S: What's gonna happen?

M: What's gonna happen when?

S:  When we're old.

M: What do you mean when?

S: Sooner or later we're gonna retire and... Are we gonna spend time together?

M: I'll come push your wheelchair... with my wheelchair

S: It's not what I mean.

M: I'll always be around Scully – offering bullet proof theories of a genius that you fail to assail with your inadequate rationality.

S: And I'll always be around to prove you wrong.

M: Huh...

S: I promise. But that's not what I mean

M: What do you mean?

S: What if you meet someone? What if you meet someone younger who wants to have kids?

M: That's what you mean. Well, you could do the same, you could meet someone and have kids.

S: Mulder, that's not gonna happen.

M: It's nonsense.

S: No, it's not. I'm... I'm at the end of that journey.

M: Do you wanna have more kids?

S: Well, I would've liked to have had another one.

M: Um, but at risk of sounding insensitive, what's stopping you?

S: Um, besides the fact that the first time was a miracle and besides the fact that I don't have anyone to have one with even if I could?

M: You're a woman of science.

S: Mulder, sometimes I think the world is going to hell and we are the only two people who can save it.

M: The world is going to hell, Scully. The president working to bring down the FBI along with it.

S: What if we lose our jobs?

M: Hell, then what would we do?

S: We'll think of something

 


End file.
